# Dr. T's Lonely Staff Club Band

These parodies of Beatles songs were written by Meep, Dave, with some help from the rest of the Mathcamp 1999 staff

## For the benefit of Dr. T

(to the tune of For the Benefit of Mr. Kite)

For the benefit of Dr. T
there will be a camp this year in Washington
The Junta(!) they will all be there
with red and green and purple hair
What a scene

## Projective Plane

(to the tune of Norwegian Wood)

they were so fine
but they'd never meet
Or so i thought
Isn't it strange
Projective plane

They never get closer, they never get farther apart
No one could bring them together, no matter how smart

But Mira said I was wrong
and not before long
I saw what she meant
They can meet at a point
Hey can't you see
Infinity

## Number Theory Man

(to the tune of Nowhere Man)

He's a number theory man
living in the primal land
He will factor integers for everyone

He works in characteristic p
He knows that 10 is 1 mod 3
Isn't he a bit like Dave and Russ

## Zometool

(to the tune of Hey Jude)

Zometool
Don't make a mess
you take our office
and make it cluttered
Remember to pack the pieces away
then it can stay
in the office

Zometool
Don't make a mess
you take our office
and make it cluttered
Remember to pack the pieces away
then it can stay
in the office, office, office, office, office...

na na na nanana na, na na na na, Zometool
na na na nanana na, na na na na, Zometool
na na na nanana na, na na na na, Zometool

## It's in C

(to the tune of Let it Be)

When I've got a polynomial
real coefficients in nth degree
there will be n answers - they're in C
The fundamental theorem of algebra
gives me this guarantee;
there will be an answer - it's in C

Its in C, it's in C
Its in C, it's in C
There will be an answer - it's in C

If you need some eigenvalues
of a matrix (counting multiplicity)
You will find n lambdas... they're in C
But if that matrix is Hermitian
it doesn't take too long to see
that they'll all be in R... which is in C

It's in C, it's in C
It's in C, it's in C
the lambdas are in R.. and it's in C

When trying to do an integration
with limits at infinity
try it using a contour in C
If you find a really nice curve
and apply the equation from Cauchy

It's in C, it's in C
It's in C, it's in C
You will find an answer... It's in C

## With a little help from my team

(to the tune of With a Little Help from my Friends)

What would you think if I did problem 2
though ive done #s 6, 5 & 3
We'd better get someone to write it all up
or they'll give us a big penalty

Oh I get by with a little help from my team
Oh I score high with a little help from my team
oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my team

What would you think if I opted out now
even though its an hour til it's due
I haven't looked over the questions at all
I guess it's all left up to you

Oh I get by with a little help from my team
Oh I score high with a little help from my team
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my team

Do you need anybody?
(I need someone on my team)
Could it be anybody?
(I want someone on my team)

## Fixing a hole

(to the tune of Fixing a Hole)

I'm fixing a hole
where theres no limit
to make my space complete

## Complete the Metric

(to the tune of Come Together)

all the
points are centers
of the disks
that they're in
Where are moral limits
What an odd topology
It depends on all prime numbers and it's so hard to see

Complete the metric
right now ... over Q

## Lucy in the Skirt, Destroyer

(to the tune of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds)

Picture yourself on the phone
in the office
with Jamba Juice mugs
and punk color dyes
Dr. T calls you, he needs one J.C. to
get some more chalk supplies

Lucy in the skirt, destroyer
Lucy in the skirt, destroyer
Lucy in the skirt, destroyer

## Linear Spaces

(to the tune of Eleanor Rigby)

Ah... look at all linear spaces
Ah.. look at all those vector spaces

Vector operations
Rotate and reflect, amplify, skew the lines, or translate
Isn't it great?
Find the eigenvalues
to see how our transformations can change the look of space
(this involves the trace)

All linear spaces
where do they all come from?
These linear spaces
are turning my mind numb

Why must I change basis?
Computing the matrix and inverse is really a pain
What do I gain?
Then I do IFS
producing triangles and spirals and ferns and odd curves
Watch how it swerves

All linear spaces
Where do they all come from
These linear spaces
are turning my mind numb

## Calculus

(to the tune of Yesterday)

Calculus
I don't see whats all the fuss
I've got some issues that I must discuss
Oh I dont get this calculus

Epsilon
where have all those pesky deltas gone
I think this series just goes on and on
but I must bound by epsilon.

dy dt
It's such an awful fate
I learned, one day
the Riemann way
and now I can't integrate

Calculus
switching limits you must distrust
unless you've got bounds and then it's just-
-ified in our calculus

dy dt
It's such an awful fate
I learned, one day
the Riemann way
and now I can't integrate

Calculus
switching limits you must distrust
unless you've got bounds and then it's just-
-ified in our calculus

mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

## When I'm 34 (24)

(to the tune of When I'm 64)

When I am finishing my PhD
many years from now
will I get to be a prof at MIT
or just postdoc for eternity?
But I could be flipping burgers next year
or sweeping up a floor --
Will you still need me
Will you still fund me
When im 34 (24)?

## Help!

(to the tune of Help!)

Hair! I need to dye it
Math! you know I'd like to try it
Sleep! I really need some
Help!

When I was younger, 5 weeks younger than today
I never needed mathematics help in any way
but now those days are gone
I've learned so much more
Now I find I've lost my mind
and my body's hit the floor

Teach me if you can I want to know
how these Lindenmeyer systems grow
and how I can get in the IMO

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
The time I've got to sleep has vanished in the haze
But every now and then I take a little snooze
I know I shouldnt nap
during assembly on Tues(day)

Help me if you can I need some rest
and I know an early bedtime would be best
8 hours straight is my undying quest

When I was younger, 5 weeks younger than today
I never needed mathematics help in any way
but now those days are gone
I've learned so much more
Now I find I've lost my mind
and my body's hit the floor

Teach me if you can I want to know
How these Lindenmeyer systems grow
and how I can get in the IMO